THE ILLUSION OF SELF LOVE

I remember the gradual and subtle, but overtime unbearing sinking of my mind into the belief and external validation, that I was...Less. I was less than others. Less attractive, less intelligent, less interesting, less funny, less popular, less. Just...Less, just mediocre. Not least. But less. I would hide myself in every possible way I could subconsciously find: baggy and dark clothes, small and weak voice, slouchy posture, dismissive eyes, always sitting in the back, in the corners. Don't call attention to yourself, don't make noise, don't be visible. The more seen I felt, the more vulnerable I felt. The more visible my ugly, stupid, strange, dumb self was, the more they could point all of this out. I was so afraid to be seen. I was so afraid everyone else could see myself the way I saw myself. I was the weird, quiet kid. I play out this role so well, for so long. I hated everything about me and my life. I felt stuck. Without choice. A victim of God for putting me in this irrelevant life and body. I never realized just how unconsciously I would make friends with people who I considered to be less attractive, less wealthy, less popular...Just so I could feel a little better about myself, "well I might be bad but in this group I'm not the worst". I gradually moved out of this reality, and naturally developed a confident, bold, in-your-face attitude. So naturally I never thought about sharing this with you. I failed to realize that this might be helpful, simply because this isn't a problem for me anymore. I am in love with every part of who I am, and my journey. I am turned on and amazed by the character my consciousness chose to play. And this unconditional love and devotion towards myself is mirrored into my relationships, as I never experienced being disrespected by a friend or a partner. I do not allow myself to accept less than amazing treatment, for I know who I am and my worth. And I will not perpetuate and remain in situations that devalue me. Ever. Self love is an illusion as you cannot love yourself from the self perspective. Because you are expecting to love the self as you love others. You cannot expect to admire, love and cherish someone you know from the surface (yes, even if you are married and live together for years, because you are not the other person, therefore, you only know so much, there is always the limitation of being the one Self) to you...That you know every tiny little thing about. The "secret" to unbreakable, everlasting love for the self, is to step out of the illusion and see yourself as the Creator and the Createss do. The self is just an illusory character. Temporary. God and Goddess are your true essence. They are the ones who will ignite immortal and unconditional devotion, love, passion, respect and absolute adoration for the Self. It's a journey of opening up, as a little child that just needs to receive the love. There's no searching for it. It's there. Just open up to it. And just in case you want guidance during this journey, my service is here for that.